Someone made a great effort in comparing my stories with interviews Barbara gave. By doing this the writer is trying to find an explanation for Barbara's suicide. It is very interesting reading material and therefore I like to share it with you.  I am very glad that Nelson took the trouble in translating it for me. 

I am not sure who the original article author is. The author name is a nickname and I do not know whether that is the original author. This article has also been forwarded to many online forums by different people. It is hard for me to identify whom the original author is.

For those who are interested, I disagree with the final conclusion of the author.

2013 article about Barbaras emotional state

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# Care to share why you disagree with final conclusion of the authorhey 2013-12-30 01:17
Care to share why your disagreement with the final conclusion of the author.

I have to say I really chuckled at the final conclusion of the author. Why did she wait for 3 years then committed suicide for the badly love of rob? Makes no sense to me.
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)Rob 2013-12-30 10:38
The situation is to complex to write it out in a few sentences. Therefore I started to write a book about it. When I finished my research and my writing, I will let you know by this website.
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# thoughts on the conclusionKeira M 2013-12-31 00:00
I agree with the author that it was extremely unfair for Kent Tong to take the sole blame for what had happened to Barbara.

Now with that being said, this is the furthest extend to which I can agree with the author. No one person or event should be blamed as the single reason for Barbara’s death. There are complex layers and levels of emotional and neurological factors that can contribute to suicide. If the author believes it was unfair for Kent Tong to suffer the crucifixion over Barbara’s death, then the author should also consider it unfair to over-simplify the cause for Barbara’s death.

I have no problem with most of the author’s deductive process. But the definitive conclusion that he gave in the last paragraph, using the phrase “definitely committed suicide…for” (就是为了…而死) is not what I can agree with.
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# RE: thoughts on the conclusionRob 2013-12-31 12:21
Hello Keira,
I agree with you. As Barbara said herself that she would never commit suicide for love. I still don't understand why people don't accept that. Maybe the truth didn't fit the romantic image of Barbara that was build up by the media.
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# RE: thoughts on the conclusionKeira M 2014-01-04 22:23
Hi Rob.

I think there are 2 things to consider. One is that with Barbara being a beloved star to so many people, her fans may feel the need to have some sort of closure after her death.

Another thing is that suicide is still a stigmatic topic amongst most Chinese people. It's not openly discussed about and it's not looked upon with much attempted understanding.

So, in a way, as fans, we might feel that a simple, romanticized cause to Barbara's suicide is the closure that we all need. And we would rather accept a romantic reason to her death than to look at all other realistic, yet complicated causes.

Most of Barbara's fans are now at the parenting age. And maybe your website will encourage all of us to look at our own teenage children, and hopefully start some dialogue with our kids about romance, relationships, depression, and suicide.
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# RE: thoughts on the conclusionRob 2014-01-04 23:09
Hello Keira,
Your last sentence sums up in short the reason why I want to write this book. I have received many mails from people who partly recognised their own life in these stories.

My book is not about the star Barbara, but about a young girl who is trying to find happiness while struggling between two very different cultures in a strange country.
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# RE: thoughts on the conclusionKeira M 2014-01-05 00:01
Wow! It's wonderful to hear that you are planning on writing the book. It would be a great way to both honor the true Barbara and also, like you said, to reach out to others who might find themselves in your stories. :-)

Thank you for all that you do.
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)hey 2013-12-31 12:59
I do agree that it has to do with the complex layers and levels of emotional and neurological factors that led to Barbara's suicide.

Look at Leslie Cheung who had battled with his depression for almost 20 years till he took it no more so he chose to plunge to death despite being comforted and encouraged by his gay lover.
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# My thoughtsQiu 2014-01-16 18:11
I have yet to finish reading the entire article but I do no think that her suicide was completely due to relationship problems. Thus I would not blame Rob or Kent. I think a lot of people forget the fact that TVB are well known slavedrivers. There have been reports about actors and actresses falling asleep on sets and not sleeping for days. One of her co-stars spoke to her the day before her suicide (he mentioned this encounter on the 2008 legend of the condor heroes reunion). His description was that she looked very thin and tired which prompted him to tell her to eat more/look after herself in which she replied I will 〈actorsname〉brother! My memory of the reunion show is a little hazy so those might not have been the exact words but I have pretty much explained the gist of it.

So well relationship problems could have been the cause, I find it highly plausible that it could have been work related issues such as stress, lack of sleep which led to her ending of her life.
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# photoName 2014-02-15 10:46
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/2127065920
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# barbara-and-MichaelName 2014-02-15 10:51
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/306959093
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)Kylan 2014-02-24 18:57
She did attempted suicide twice out of love. So I think there is a chance that she did committed suicide in Hong Kong out of love.
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# BarbaraCLY 2014-10-17 06:27
Hi! It's really nice of you to put up this website so that we can know more about BY's intriguing life and suicide. It's nice to be able to see her as a person and not just an actress. She was so pretty and sweet in the photos with you. So different from her screen persona. She looked innocent and contented. You did not seem to share those feelings?
It’s a nice documentary. But it would be better if there were more input about your feelings and thoughts instead of just a commentary.
I just wonder, did you look back and search the bottom of your heart to understand if you did not take advantage of her vulnerability? Was she really important to you?

..tbc
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# BarbaraCLY 2014-10-17 06:28
..contd.
I believed some of the things she said wasn't exactly a lie but something she believed in so she was trying to re-affirm it to herself. However, she also knew that she couldn't be the good daughter because of her love for you. Maybe she regretted wasting her time and energy on people who did not really feel the same way?
Maybe because you came from a very different culture. 'If you're happy together, not happy just split'. If a chinese girl does not think herself bethrothed to you she wouldn't spend so much time with you. Not in the way that a westerner dates.
Her mother was just doing her job to protect her daughter. Maybe she had foreseen this ending that’s why she tried to prevent it. Maybe she could see that it was only puppy love for you (or maybe even just a novelty) but her daughter took it too seriously for her own good?
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# BarbaraCLY 2014-10-17 06:29
..cont..
If the mother didn't think her daughter bethrothed to you she wouldn't have allowed her daughter to go on a holiday with you. In the 70's that was already testing her principals. She must have struggled hard with herself. It looks like she and her family took this relationship a lot more seriously than you and yours.
Honestly, when you met BY and when you were with her, did you ever have the same feelings which you described when you met M? Any at all?
Would you be proud or remorseful if her last words were really meant for you?
Since you both had so many friends from Cambridge days, no one could help you find BY when you went looking for her after you had moved back to ND? The easiest way is to ask a lady and respectable friend to go and ask BY’s mother by pretending she was looking for BY? But what’s the point, maybe more heartache for her.
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# BarbaraCLY 2014-10-17 06:31
...contd.
Did you worry for her those many years after you split up?
Did you try to check on her quietly to make sure she was alright since you know she was emotionally fragile and knew of her previous suicide attempts?
Did you bother to investigate about her suicide after you found out about it? Why wait till 2009?
And since you knew of her passing did you 'do the right thing' by visiting her mum and making sure she's alright till the end of life? You know very well how much her mother meant to her. Do you know the circumstances she was in now?
Do you really think you had no obligation for her well-being?
Why do you suddenly set up this website and visit her grave and also locations you both had visited in the past after all these years when it’s obvious that you had completely left your life in England behind?

..tbc
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# BarbaraCLY 2014-10-17 06:32
...contd.
Did you bring your ‘family’ to re-visit the past? Don’t you keep your individual relationships private from each other in respect of the persons involved?
Did the difficulties that you both had to overcome to see each other come across to you as an adventure or something that meant a lot you.
Do you realize your feelings for BY was completely different from your feelings for M? Seems to me one is puppy love and the other is mature love.
Do you think BY had a lot of regrets that led to her wanting to give up having to live the despair? As she must have grown up a bit and matured a bit more while in HK and she realized you were both not on the same step from the very beginning and she realized how silly she was. And suddenly she realized she was actually all alone all the while.
...tbc,
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# BarbaraCLY 2014-10-17 06:32
..contd.
Have you visited HK? Retrace her steps to try to understand what she had gone through while in HK because it seems you felt you had no idea about life in HK. I’m sure you would do it for a friend.
Did you watch all her tv programmes in one go? I’m you did in trying to understand her life a little bit. I’m sure you would do it for a friend.
Did both of you connect emotionally? Because it seems like a commentary of what you both did than about feelings and thoughts and plans, etc.
Did you read all those write-ups about BY before you started your website?
Still, I’m really glad you did this website. For whatever reason it helps people to understand her better because she died such a tragic death at such a young age when she had her bright career ahead of her.
I’m sorry for a whole lot of questions but they just keep popping up as I read. In fact, I can’t even remember all the questions.
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# RE: BarbaraRob 2014-10-17 22:28
Hello CLY,

You asked many questions and to be honest a lot of those questions I asked myself aswell. That is why I am writing a book now about our relation. In here I describe in much more detail our relation and you will find out what kind of person I really was. I hope this book will answer your questions about me and also about Barbara. But you will have to be patient, writing a book like that takes time.
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)Giang 2015-04-24 07:06
Let us know once you are done writing the book please!
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)iafmw 2016-06-30 13:34
非常好,這就是rob真正想要的答案,也代湯謝謝作者。問題是,有女人會為幾年前的戀人自殺嗎?或許翁是個另類
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)满心蓉儿 2016-07-06 02:33
傻x作者写一堆傻x话,rob个不通中文的,还在那沾沾自喜,我并不想骂rob,你对阿翁的怀念还是令我感动的,但请你别过于自恋了。你和阿翁相处那么久,自认为那么了解她,那我问你,阿翁曾和你那么相爱,口口声声唤你亲爱的,为何和你分手四五年了却从不曾与你联系,最后却会为你而死,笑话。她若真的放不下你,这中间多少时间可以联系你,可以求证与你是否还有机会,偏偏什么都不做,因为一句相士的话,就去死了,临死前就留一句还不知你何时能知道的遗言,滑天下之大稽。想想这些,这个傻x的话你能信吗?当初你们分手她都会去联系你妈求证有无复合机会,难道阿翁还缺勇气吗?要无声无息死给世人看吗?我不否认在港阿翁会想起你,你们的恋情是值得怀念的,但不值过去许多年后为你自杀,白痴疯子也不做这事,你是学医的,想想人会在什么情况下选择自杀。
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)iafmw 2016-07-06 05:44
rob分享給大家關於阿翁的故事,我們真的非常感激,但請rob不要過於自戀,rob你為什麼要把這種毫無根據的文章用中英文翻譯後上傳到你的網站上來呢?為什麼要懷疑darling I love you是為誰寫的呢?那麼請問你為什麼沒有上傳上次我給你的那張媒體採訪阿翁時,阿翁說“在英國8年未遇過刻骨銘心的男人”,你只是把你喜歡的分享給大家看,你這樣的觀點只會讓不了解翁的人以為她是個水性杨花的女人。可事實卻是翁是個敢愛敢恨的人。
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)fukada 2016-07-14 02:43
不好意思,我的英语不好。其实这位荷兰朋友虽然表示出否决了这篇文章的结论,但内心还是希望是作者的这个答案。否则也不会把这篇文章特意请别人翻译好后用中英两种文字放在这里让大家看了。
其实我们男人有一种喜欢高估自己在前女友心里的地位。懂中文的朋友可以看下这篇文章。女同志请进,女孩都忘不了自己的第一个男人吗?http://bbs.tianya.cn/post-funinfo-3012043-1.shtml
这位荷兰朋友,你其实也可以问下你现在的妻子,就是你的女友,是否还会经常想起自己和初恋或她的前男友,如果是的话,那我只能为你的爱情默哀三分钟了。
英语不好,但我明白rob肯定能知道我在说什么,只要他想知道。
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# depressionchrista 2017-05-31 11:21
I feel sorry for both of you, Barbara clearly had some kind of depression, or psychological disorder that should've been treated early. Considering she had tried to commit suicide twice before. I feel that this is a terrible mistake that her family didnt take the right step or some treatment to help her cope with her mental health issue. Everyone know that Barbara behaviour was not normal, i mean that a normal healthy person wont do that suicide attempt, whatever the reason is.
Twice is enough, that should be noticed as emergency alert for her family to not let this thing will happen again in the future, thus they have to take some important steps. Lack of sleeps, loss of father figure, difficult relationship with the mother, being the only child, loneliness, break-up with the loved one, has no close friends, then suddenly in very short period of time she got the sudden fame that never occur in her mind. To someone who had mental issue, those really can be too much to handle
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# RE: depressionRob 2017-05-31 15:59
I totally agree with you. But at that period people didnt know much about depressions. I had never heard of it. And Barbara was offered help from a social worker, which she refused.
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# RE: depressionchrista 2017-06-01 10:59
Please let me know if you're done writing the book about her.
To be honest, in some ways, many parts of her story is something i can relate to.
That's why i'm interested to have the book.
I also felt that loss of father figure since my childhood, he's still alive but we as his daughters never felt his presence especially since we lost our mother when we were kids. She died of cancer. And then we had to move with our grandmother who has personality pretty much like BY's mother. Many bad moments we had, leave us pain that never heals til now, i had older sister who had depression in her 30s, the age of a mature woman but somehow she could not handle the break-up, her only lovelife that she ever had. Many friends & family saw that was just because of her lack of experience in love. Only me who realized what kind of burden has gone through her mind since we were kids.
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# RE: depressionRob 2017-06-01 12:26
The book will still take a while. Barbara hid her secrets well and it is all a long time ago (before the digital period) and most of the information is in Chinese. Therefore the research together with the writing takes a lot of time, and that is what I haven't got.

If you want to share your life and compare it with Barbara's, I am willing to listen and comment. But we better do that by mail of FB-messenger. On this site the whole world can read it.
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)Elle 2020-08-23 04:52
Hi Rob,

Did Babara really make a call to Holland on her last night?!
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# RE: 2013 Thinking and inference of Barbara's emotional state in Hong Kong (一些思考和推测:翁美玲在香港的情感状况)Rob 2020-08-23 11:45
As far as I know she didn't make a call to Holland. She did call her uncle that day. I hope one day her family will tell me what they talked about.
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