42. Back together again 复合 1981

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Of course did I write Barbara another letter, this time an emotional one, and of course did Barbara come to see me after she received that letter. This was obvious, from the moment she walked into that hospital ward, the sparkle between us was still there and we both felt it immediately.

When we were together we didn't talk much about our future or what we had done during the time we were separated. We were just enjoying the present moments. That made these moments intens and passionate. But also those obsessive moments of waiting came back again. Waiting for the moment to see each other again or the walking to the porters lodge every day hoping that there was another letter or that waiting for when Barbara would be in her room in London so that I could call her by phone (I didn't have a phone, therefore she could not call me).

And poor Witsi, she didn't have a chance. After meeting Barbara again, Barbara was the only thing on my mind. Witsi was just put aside. The first time Barbara came to visit me for in my student flat, Witsi just walked in. She looked at Barbara then looked at me, turned round and left the room without saying a word. All what Barbara said was: "Is that your girlfriend? She is pretty; she looks like a nice girl". That was the only thing Barbara ever said about Witsi, she never asked about her again. I guess that she assumed that I would finish that relation im-mediately, which I did. I explained to Witsi the situation and she said she understood. The times that I did see her afterwards (Witsi lived in the next corridor) she was still kind to me.

Barbara and I had both filled in our lives in our own way during our separation and now this relation had to fit in. This was quite a challenge. Barbara had a job on Friday evening and in the weekends she still helped the family out in the Fish and Chip shop. Barbara didn't tell her mother we were together again, so she had to find excuses to come and see me. As my leg still wasn't recovered I couldn't come to London, I could hardly walk.

There were going to be some more operations on my leg. As I didn't have Witsi to take care for me anymore and Barbara didn't have the time, I went back to my parents for quite a long time to revalidate. We kept in contact by writing letters and by telephone. Barbara found an empty office at her college with a phone that was still connected. She phoned me from there, which made life a lot cheaper. I wonder if the school ever found out that the telephone bill was significantly higher in that period.

And of course the final exams were coming. This was another reason why we couldn't see each other that often. We weren't stressed out about not seeing each other as much as we wanted; just the thought of being together again seemed to keep us going.

We never had written letters to each other before, this was an new experience which we both enjoyed. I hope one day that I find the letters Barbara wrote me. I looked everywhere, but I am afraid that they got lost during the years. I wonder if Barbara kept my letters.

复合

当然我又写了封信，这一次是充满了感情的一封。当然Barbara在收到信后就来看我了。从她走进我病房的那一刻，我们之间的那种火花分明还在，显而易见，我们两个都马上感觉到了。我们再次相遇的时候我们没有谈论将来，也没有谈论在分开的这段时间各自做了些什么。我们只是享受现在的时时刻刻。这让我们在一起的时刻变得更强烈更有激情.而那种急切地等待又再次出现了。等待着再次见面，每天走去看邮箱希望能收到另一封信，或是等着Barbara回到伦敦的房间就给她打电话（我的住处没有电话，所以她不能给我电话）。

可怜的Witsi完全没有机会了。再见到Barbara后，我的注意力就只在她身上了。Barbara第一次到我的学生公寓的时候正巧Witsi走进来，她看了看Barbara又看了看我，转身走了出去，一句话也没有说。而Barbara只说了句，"那是你女朋友啊？挺漂亮的，看起来是个不错的女孩。" 这是Barbara唯一的一次提到Witsi，她从来没有再问起过她。我猜Barbara觉得我马上就结束了那段关系了。事实上我也是这样做的。我把情况和Witsi解释了，她说她理解。之后我再见到她，她对我也很友善（她住在隔壁走廊）。

Barbara和我发现分手后我们已经安排了各自的生活，现在要把我们的关系放入我们各自的生活中去，是有点难的。Barbara周五晚上有工作，周末在家里的炸鱼薯条店的帮忙。她没有告诉她妈妈我们又在一起了。她总得找各种借口来看我。我的腿没有复原，还不能走动。

我的腿还需要几次手术。由于我没有了Witsi的帮忙，Barbara也没有时间，我就回到父母家待了很长一段时间康复。我们通过电话和写信联系。Barbara在学校里发现一间空置办公室，里面有一台能用的电话。她就从那里给我打电话，这样子可以省不少钱。我不知道校方是否在那段时间发现电话账单贵了很多。

当然期末考试就要来了，这是另一个我们不能见面的原因。我们不再像从前一样因为见不到对方而感到焦虑，只要想到我们又在一起了，就足够让我们坚持下去。

之前我们从未给对方写信，这对我们而言是新的体验，我们两个都很喜欢这种交流方式。我希望某一天我能找到Barbara给我的那些信。我到处都找过了，这么多年过去了，我估计是已经遗失了。我不知道Barbara有没有留着我给她的信件。

(Thanks to Natalie for the translation)