In 1985 I received this letter from Di, telling me that Di visited Barbara's grave.
(to avoid confusion: Di calls me by my nickname Nod)
I remember being very upset for several weeks. My grief wasn't because I had hoped that someday we be together again. It was because the person I loved once, didnt live anymore. I was very surprised that I reacted like this. I never expected that the feeling was still so strong, after so many years.'
I always assumed that Barbara had found her happiness and everything was well with her. Barbara dying this young could only mean suicide. The thought that she had not the life I presumed she had, made me feel guilty and sadder.
Although the letter said that Barbara had become famous, there was no-one I knew who could tell me more about it. My friends in England didn't know about Barbara's fame. Asking Barbara's mother was no option for me. I didn't have any contact with any Chinese in Holland who could help me. And of course internet didn't exist then.
Early 1986 I went to see Di. She told me where Barbara's grave was. You can't miss it. I drove on my motorbike to the cemetery. The graveyard was very cold and windy; there was no one else there. I felt very uncomfortable.
Standing in front of the grave I thought 'so you finally did it, why didn't you contact me if you were so unhappy?'. I looked for other names on her grave. Names of children or a husband, but there weren't any. She must have been lonely. Sad that she never achieved what she wanted, a happy family. I was impressed by the heart shape gravestone. There were no flowers or other pictures except the portrait on the grave. I did think "some people loved you, making such a nice grave for you". But it seems that you are forgotten already (how wrong I was!).
I didn't go back to Barbara's grave till this year (2011).
Artikel published in de Daily Mail in England on the 3th of june 1985
1985年6月3日英格兰每日邮报的文章：
畏惧成功的明星
成千民众涌上街头目睹甜心电视明星Barbara翁美玲葬礼。但她的骨灰在她长大的剑桥的落土仪式只有她的家人出席。
Barbara在父亲去世后来到英国，三年前回到香港度假，并在她的故乡成为电视明星。悲剧发生在她26岁生日后一周，她在充满煤气的寓所内被发现。
她在剑桥的亲属们说成为明星的压力令她很抑郁。香港相关部门将进行死因调查。
最后的告别
1985年我收到了一封Di的信：
。。。
那么Nod (Di习惯称呼我的昵称Nod)，我有些不太好的消息要告诉你。也许你已经知道了，如果是那样的话，请你原谅我再次提起这件事。Barbara死了，我不清楚细节，只是知道她几年前去了香港，成了一位很有名气的演员。我也只是在地方报纸上看到一篇小文章才知道的。我和一个朋友一起去他祖母墓地，巧合的是，她的墓地紧邻Barbara的墓, 墓碑上有一张她的头像，所以我知道这是绝对不会弄错的。这是今年6月的事情了。
我希望你不要因为这个消息而难过。那时候我也不知所措，我觉得告诉你也没有什么意义，毕竟事情已经这样了。可是我一直不能停止挂念着这件事情，我想也许你是希望有人告诉你的，尽管也许对你来讲这已经不再是什么要紧的事了。我希望真的是这样，我不愿意让你难过伤心。
请原谅我用这么悲伤的话题结束这封信，希望你能尽快回信，让我知道你和你的家人的情况。
很多爱
Di
我记得自己好几周都非常难过。我的悲伤不是因为我曾经期望过我们还能在一起，我的悲伤是因为我曾经爱过的人已经永远离开了。我自己也很惊讶我会如此悲伤， 没有想到这么多年过去了，这种感觉还能如此强烈。
我一直以为Barbara找到了她的幸福，一切顺利。Barbara这么年轻就死了只可能是自杀。想到她并非我想象中那样拥有了幸福的生活，我觉得内疚，而且更加难过。尽管信里说她成名了，但当时没有人能够告诉我更多消息。我在英国的朋友不知道她的成名。我又不能去问她的母亲。即使荷兰的华裔可能可以帮助我，但那时我一个也不认识。当然那个年代互联网也还不存在。
1986年初我去看望了Di.她告诉我Barbara的墓地的地址，说容易找到。我开着摩托车去了墓园。那天的墓地里一个人也没有，非常冷，还刮着风。我觉得很不安。
站在她的墓前，我想，你终于这么做了。如果你不快乐的话，为什么不和我联系呢？我在她的墓碑上找名字，孩子或是丈夫的名字，但是没有。她一定经历了孤独和悲伤，她没能够获得她想要的东西:幸福的家庭。她的心型墓碑如此特别。没有鲜花，除了墓碑上的头像也没有其他的照片。我那时想，" 给了你如此特别的墓碑的人，一定深深爱过你。" 但似乎你已经被遗忘了。（现在我知道在这一点上我是完全错了。）
直至今年（文章写成的那年），我再也没有去过她的墓园。
(thanks to Natalie for the translation)
Comments
to answer this question, i think she must be a very proud person. she rather suffered alone than admitting that she was unhappy.
well, i am very glad knowing that your love for her was real and true. if she knew that your love for her was real and true, then i think she would not regret getting born. i think she would think that all the times that she had a fight with her mom or family because of you or all the times that her heart ached because of you, they were worth then. thanks for all of your stories and time. and also thank you for being a real lover to barbara yung. the fact that your love for her was real and true, it makes this love story very unique and special.
I have read your wonderful stories. Hopefully, the story will be made into a movie as a tribute to Barbara Yung. She is the most beautiful HK actress of her time. Immensely talented though most emotionally vulnerable. Craving for stability was what she wanted. Having grown up in a strict Cantonese family, it wasn't easy for her to have stable emotions. Cantonese are known to be imposing (pardon me) on their views and behaviour. I seriously sympathise with her Mum. Her mother loves her but doesn't know how to show it out. Barbara loved you most, right to the end. She looked in Kent for solace for she and you had completely lost touch with each other. If you and her were born twenty years later, life would have been different. Definitely her last words were for you. Before she died, she must have recalled those beautiful memories of you and her. Barbara is immortalised and we love her always. Thanks for the wonderful site.
If this story could become the film, Barbara would be glad too. Once in her life time, there was a man who really loved and cared for her. We the fans, will be very happy to see that too.
The truth is that, all things happened with a reason. If di's friend's grandfather didn't get buried in the cemetery, rob would not have known via di. the way how rob found out Barbara's death was truly dramatic by itself.
everything happened for a reason: rob and Barbara, rob and di, di and the friend, the friend's grandfather died, and Barbara’s death. My god! Barbara was made to live her life with so much impact and unique stories, this is incredible!
Did you hear the English song "Danny Boy "? I very like this song.
" ...
You'll come and find the place where I am lying,
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me,
And I will hear, though soft you tread above me,
And all my hear (grave) will warmer, sweater be,
For you will bend and tell me that you love me,
And I will sleep in peace until you come to me.
... Oh, Danny I love you so ... "
You and Barbara used to love deeply in each other when you were both teenagers. I think Barbara did not forget you. She never contact you since you say good bye to each other because she worked in Hong Kong
entertainment industry. I hope you can go there always
if it is possible.
I like everything in your web side.
Thank you
James
From California, USA
finally did it ", I feel very sad. She gone, finally she gone,
really she gone.
little kid.... Barbara's death is still shocking to me after all these decades. I can still remember clearly that afternoon when the news broke on TV....It's just from the way we saw her on TV, it was unimaginable that she could be so depressed and suicidal....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlxU-VGePfs&list=PLUxlohmoXranyEYRPJjRvUIN8y7hxOchp
愿她现在快乐！
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