In 1985 I received this letter from Di, telling me that Di visited Barbara's grave.

1985 final goodbye

 

(to avoid confusion: Di calls me by my nickname Nod)


I remember being very upset for several weeks. My grief wasn't because I had hoped that someday we be together again. It was because the person I loved once, didnt live anymore. I was very surprised that I reacted like this. I never expected that the feeling was still so strong, after so many years.'

I always assumed that Barbara had found her happiness and everything was well with her. Barbara dying this young could only mean suicide. The thought that she had not the life I presumed she had, made me feel guilty and sadder.

Although the letter said that Barbara had become famous, there was no-one I knew who could tell me more about it. My friends in England didn't know about Barbara's fame. Asking Barbara's mother was no option for me. I didn't have any contact with any Chinese in Holland who could help me. And of course internet didn't exist then.

Early 1986 I went to see Di. She told me where Barbara's grave was. You can't miss it. I drove on my motorbike to the cemetery. The graveyard was very cold and windy; there was no one else there. I felt very uncomfortable.

Standing in front of the grave I thought 'so you finally did it, why didn't you contact me if you were so unhappy?'. I looked for other names on her grave. Names of children or a husband, but there weren't any. She must have been lonely. Sad that she never achieved what she wanted, a happy family. I was impressed by the heart shape gravestone. There were no flowers or other pictures except the portrait on the grave. I did think "some people loved you, making such a nice grave for you". But it seems that you are forgotten already (how wrong I was!).

I didn't go back to Barbara's grave till this year (2011).

 

Artikel published in de Daily Mail in England on the 3th of june 1985

krantenartikel daily mail 3 juni 1986 vergroot

1985年6月3日英格兰每日邮报的文章:

畏惧成功的明星
成千民众涌上街头目睹甜心电视明星Barbara翁美玲葬礼。但她的骨灰在她长大的剑桥的落土仪式只有她的家人出席。
Barbara在父亲去世后来到英国,三年前回到香港度假,并在她的故乡成为电视明星。悲剧发生在她26岁生日后一周,她在充满煤气的寓所内被发现。
她在剑桥的亲属们说成为明星的压力令她很抑郁。香港相关部门将进行死因调查。

 

 

最后的告别

1985年我收到了一封Di的信:

1985 final goodbye

。。。
那么Nod (Di习惯称呼我的昵称Nod),我有些不太好的消息要告诉你。也许你已经知道了,如果是那样的话,请你原谅我再次提起这件事。Barbara死了,我不清楚细节,只是知道她几年前去了香港,成了一位很有名气的演员。我也只是在地方报纸上看到一篇小文章才知道的。我和一个朋友一起去他祖母墓地,巧合的是,她的墓地紧邻Barbara的墓, 墓碑上有一张她的头像,所以我知道这是绝对不会弄错的。这是今年6月的事情了。

我希望你不要因为这个消息而难过。那时候我也不知所措,我觉得告诉你也没有什么意义,毕竟事情已经这样了。可是我一直不能停止挂念着这件事情,我想也许你是希望有人告诉你的,尽管也许对你来讲这已经不再是什么要紧的事了。我希望真的是这样,我不愿意让你难过伤心。

请原谅我用这么悲伤的话题结束这封信,希望你能尽快回信,让我知道你和你的家人的情况。

很多爱
Di

我记得自己好几周都非常难过。我的悲伤不是因为我曾经期望过我们还能在一起,我的悲伤是因为我曾经爱过的人已经永远离开了。我自己也很惊讶我会如此悲伤, 没有想到这么多年过去了,这种感觉还能如此强烈。

我一直以为Barbara找到了她的幸福,一切顺利。Barbara这么年轻就死了只可能是自杀。想到她并非我想象中那样拥有了幸福的生活,我觉得内疚,而且更加难过。尽管信里说她成名了,但当时没有人能够告诉我更多消息。我在英国的朋友不知道她的成名。我又不能去问她的母亲。即使荷兰的华裔可能可以帮助我,但那时我一个也不认识。当然那个年代互联网也还不存在。

1986年初我去看望了Di.她告诉我Barbara的墓地的地址,说容易找到。我开着摩托车去了墓园。那天的墓地里一个人也没有,非常冷,还刮着风。我觉得很不安。

站在她的墓前,我想,你终于这么做了。如果你不快乐的话,为什么不和我联系呢?我在她的墓碑上找名字,孩子或是丈夫的名字,但是没有。她一定经历了孤独和悲伤,她没能够获得她想要的东西:幸福的家庭。她的心型墓碑如此特别。没有鲜花,除了墓碑上的头像也没有其他的照片。我那时想," 给了你如此特别的墓碑的人,一定深深爱过你。" 但似乎你已经被遗忘了。(现在我知道在这一点上我是完全错了。)

直至今年(文章写成的那年),我再也没有去过她的墓园。

 

(thanks to Natalie for the translation)

 

Comments   

# RE: final goodbyeHey 2011-07-13 15:16
Interesting about the style Diana Wright wrote to you. Sigh, when i read that article here, I began to feel quite sad about the death of BY again as though i don't know her personally. Death is the saddest feeling and is the most cruel reality indeed. Sigh!
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# RE: final goodbyeharmony 2011-07-21 21:36
"Standing in front of the grave I thought 'so you finally did it, why didn't you contact me if you were so unhappy?'."

to answer this question, i think she must be a very proud person. she rather suffered alone than admitting that she was unhappy.
well, i am very glad knowing that your love for her was real and true. if she knew that your love for her was real and true, then i think she would not regret getting born. i think she would think that all the times that she had a fight with her mom or family because of you or all the times that her heart ached because of you, they were worth then. thanks for all of your stories and time. and also thank you for being a real lover to barbara yung. the fact that your love for her was real and true, it makes this love story very unique and special.
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# RE: final goodbyeMiss you 2011-08-06 00:59
miss you
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# RE: final goodbyeBarfan 2011-08-31 05:24
all she wanted was a normal family, and yet she had never had one her whole life! how cruel life is to her! :sad:
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# Her final words were for you, RobNicole 2012-01-09 09:52
Rob,

I have read your wonderful stories. Hopefully, the story will be made into a movie as a tribute to Barbara Yung. She is the most beautiful HK actress of her time. Immensely talented though most emotionally vulnerable. Craving for stability was what she wanted. Having grown up in a strict Cantonese family, it wasn't easy for her to have stable emotions. Cantonese are known to be imposing (pardon me) on their views and behaviour. I seriously sympathise with her Mum. Her mother loves her but doesn't know how to show it out. Barbara loved you most, right to the end. She looked in Kent for solace for she and you had completely lost touch with each other. If you and her were born twenty years later, life would have been different. Definitely her last words were for you. Before she died, she must have recalled those beautiful memories of you and her. Barbara is immortalised and we love her always. Thanks for the wonderful site.
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# agreeRed Robin 2012-01-10 05:23
Nicole, this is great idea to make the film out of Rob's story. We love Barbara and forever. She was looking for someone who can fill her heart but wrong person, KT. It's not good to bring this up, but when I once again look at her photos from her last film that she could spend only one day with it. Her eyes told me she was bad depression. KT didn't kill her, it was her choice but he sure had part to make this happened or happened faster. After the night KT had a fight with her at studio, he avoided making any contact with her. She had called him many times. In this case, the guy IS so mean. She was sick and needing someone. She wanted love and understanding from wrong guy.
If this story could become the film, Barbara would be glad too. Once in her life time, there was a man who really loved and cared for her. We the fans, will be very happy to see that too.
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# RE: final goodbyeLT 2012-03-26 07:50
i think the entire story that Rob had with Barbara can be filmed as a movie. I would rather see this movie the majority part being Barbara's time in England – post 1982.

The truth is that, all things happened with a reason. If di's friend's grandfather didn't get buried in the cemetery, rob would not have known via di. the way how rob found out Barbara's death was truly dramatic by itself.

everything happened for a reason: rob and Barbara, rob and di, di and the friend, the friend's grandfather died, and Barbara’s death. My god! Barbara was made to live her life with so much impact and unique stories, this is incredible!
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# RE: Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986Thup 2012-09-26 11:00
It was so sad that she left this world in such a young age. We all miss her very much and we will never gonna forget her.
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# ``·· 2013-07-03 09:20
:sigh:
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# I didn't go back to Barbara's grave till this year (2011).seashell 2013-10-21 03:11
actually you are Barbara's true love,she got back xianggang just want to learn to let go of the past and the pain, if her mum agree you marry Barbara,she still alive,because no one love she so much espect you,death awaits, when she left you.
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# 11zhou 2013-11-04 03:31
:cry: 你们都没有好好珍惜她,如果你当时竭力和她一起在英国生活,也许她现在尚在人间,可伶的美玲她真的很难找到懂得她的人包容她的人亦懂得珍惜疼爱的她的人 :oops:
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986Cara 2014-10-18 08:07
Wondering how her life would be if she hadn't met KT. For those who didn't know, KT was one of the heavily promoted guys in TVB. Think the group was called Five Tigers. For all I know the rest of the members were more famous at that point of time. Well they were definitely more loyal to their life partners too. Michael Miu being happily married for many years, same goes to Andy Lau and Felix Wong and finally Tony Leung being married to Karena Lau.
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986just me 2014-10-31 21:39
Growing up I used to watch series where Barbara was the main lead. She was great at it but unfortunately we get to see the other side of her...fragile one where it seems like she's looking for love in the wrong place. It's unfortunate she met Kent Tong. We don't know him personally but as we can see he has a streak record of many wives. How unfortunate she ended up with him..
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986James Chen 2015-06-20 07:42
Hi Rob,
Did you hear the English song "Danny Boy "? I very like this song.
" ...
You'll come and find the place where I am lying,
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me,
And I will hear, though soft you tread above me,
And all my hear (grave) will warmer, sweater be,
For you will bend and tell me that you love me,
And I will sleep in peace until you come to me.
... Oh, Danny I love you so ... "
You and Barbara used to love deeply in each other when you were both teenagers. I think Barbara did not forget you. She never contact you since you say good bye to each other because she worked in Hong Kong
entertainment industry. I hope you can go there always
if it is possible.
I like everything in your web side.
Thank you
James
From California, USA
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986James Chen 2015-06-21 05:45
When I read " Standing in front of the grave I thought you
finally did it ", I feel very sad. She gone, finally she gone,
really she gone.
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986May 2016-09-14 21:50
I cried so much reading the love story between you two. Perhaps she felt that the only way she could ever be with you again is by becoming an angle and watching you from the above. I had no idea she had to deal with such struggles and sorrows in life. I really wish that in her next life she would get to enjoy a happy family of her own. Thanks for sharing the story.
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# Travel AgentTracy 2018-03-07 10:24
I stumbled upon this page because I am currently re-watching the TV series that I used to love when I was a
little kid.... Barbara's death is still shocking to me after all these decades. I can still remember clearly that afternoon when the news broke on TV....It's just from the way we saw her on TV, it was unimaginable that she could be so depressed and suicidal....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlxU-VGePfs&list=PLUxlohmoXranyEYRPJjRvUIN8y7hxOchp
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986Karlie Lam 2018-03-07 14:59
This is very nice that to see someone still care and missing her.
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986321 2018-09-02 06:40
Maybe there is a soul. It's a coincidence. Rob was basically the first to know about Barbara's departure. It's incredible.
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986Sarah Huang 2018-11-07 10:24
It seems to me that for Barbara, she could had lived a happy long life if her mom would had accepted you, given permission of marring you, but only a small amount of people would have known and loved her; or another path: life in fame and remembered by millions if not billions of her fans but had to die young. From 5 Nov 2018 the TVB 1983 version of Legends of the Condor Heroes on which Barbara played as the leading heroine has been shown on the Zhejiang TV station. Millions of fans in China now could have a chance to re-catch their childhood memories of this milestones TV series which tells story of love, loyalty, honor and the power of the individual against successive corrupt governments and invading forces. It is nicknamed the Chinese version of “ The lord of the rings “ .
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# So sad...Quah Eu Meng 2019-03-11 15:06
Barbara you will never be forgotten, may your soul rest in peace.
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986Sandy 2019-06-27 01:23
In the past, i'd ask what if this....what if that......now i appreciate Di ever wrote to you of Barbara's news (though that's sad), you share these stories between you and Barbara on this website (thank to internet), found this site recently (never too late). Miss her forever!
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# why?mcf 2019-07-15 09:53
好好的人为什么要自杀?这是所有的人百思不得其解问题!可怜的人啊!
Reply
# whymcf 2019-07-15 09:59
傻呀!
Reply
# whymcf 2019-07-18 12:55
最先听到翁美玲这个名字是在阿翁刚过世的时候,当时我喜欢听澳大利亚广播公司华语音乐台,注意到听众打爆了热线,讨论很热烈,直指某人负心,至阿翁殉情自尽,一代巨星陨落!当时很好奇,不知道翁美玲何许人也?我家乡云南卫视播放《射雕英雄传》是在86年或是87年的时候。当时引起巨大的轰动,傍晚黄金时段,街道上空无一人,都在看《射雕》。当时的情况用万人空巷来形容是一点也不过份!扮演黄蓉的阿翁冰雪聪明,刁钻古怪,倾倒了亿万观众,收粉无数!(rob有没有像到前女友是如此牛人!)当时阿翁就是无数少女的偶像,无数少男的梦中情人!多少年来射雕翻拍了多次,阿翁是一直被模仿,从未被超越!翁美玲的风采甚至是那个的记忆!只可惜天妒红彦!风华正茂之时竟忽然凋零!像是一颗璀璨的流星匆匆划过天际,消失在芒芒夜空!(也许阿翁只是为黄蓉而生的精灵,完成任务后就回到天国了!)令多少人扼腕叹息!替阿翁不值!所谓“亲戚或余悲,他人亦已歌!死去何所道,托体同山阿!”好在翁美玲还有真心念她、爱她的rob!还有为她风采所倾倒的代代影迷一直叨念她!阿翁泉下有知或许会有些许慰藉吧!
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# whymcf 2019-07-18 13:01
翁美玲 的风采甚至是我们那个时代的记忆!
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# RE: 46. Final goodbye 最后的告别 1986小青 2020-02-25 03:59
每次看射雕,每次想到她,都觉得好心痛。
愿她现在快乐!
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