The week before the eastern holidays I drove to London in our car. I was quite cheerful as I knew we were going to solve our problems, we always had done so far. I had a few options in mind from which I thought they could work. I could try to switch colleges and find one in London to continue my study. Or I could try to find a place to stay in Cambridge so we could see each other more often in the weekends. I was even prepared to come and work in the Fish and Chip shop, if Barbara's mother would let me. Enough possibilities I thought.

After I picked up Barbara up from college that Monday afternoon we went to her room and started talking. Barbara told me that she noticed that I was much happier without her. Now I got my freedom, I enjoyed myself so much with my friends and with the sporting activities that she felt that I didn't need her anymore. Barbara got the feeling that she was keeping me from the life I really wanted to live. She was just waiting for the moment that I was going tell her that I wanted to break up. She couldn't stand waiting for that. Because of this feeling she had stopped believing in our relation. It had nothing to do that she didn' love me but it was because she didn't believe in us anymore. This faith in us and having a future together had kept her going till now. It had given her the energy to fight for our relation, to resist the pressure from her family, to live her lonely life in London, to do the tiresome travelling every week. Now the faith had gone she couldn't bring up the energy anymore. She was tired.Tired of the travelling, tired of the arguments with her mother, tired of worrying about our relation; she wanted peace in her mind. She needed time to think things over, she wanted be left alone.

Wow, I hadn't seen this coming. I was still thinking that if we be together more often it would become okay again. But no matter what suggestion I made to change my life, Barbara turned it down. She used the same argument every time. She said that I would be just offering myself up for her, while I really wanted my other life. She couldn't live with that thought. She said that it would make me very unhappy. Missing all the things I enyoyed. She couldn't stand that, seeing me unhappy while she knew I rather be doing my sports and seeing my friends. Also her family would never accept me, they only make our life impossible.

I wanted both, Barbara and the 'new' life I was leading. I wanted that Barbara became part of that the life. But that seemed no option for Barbara. Barbara gave me no chance to choose; Barbara had already chosen for me. She didn't say it but it was obvious where this was going to. Therefore I asked her: "do you think we should split up?" "Yes we should": she said. She said she had enough of living the way she did now, she wanted some peace in her head, and she wanted time to sort things out for herself.

After this was said,we didn't say much anymore. I couldn't think of anymore arguments to save our relation. This had taken me completely by surprise, I wasn't prepared for this. I also had great problems with the way that Barbara showed no emotions during this conversation. No crying, no rising of voices, not trying to convince me. Just an ordering of thoughts. She stated her thoughts as they were facts. There was nothing more that could be done about it. Obviously Barbara had been thinking about this a lot. Her arguments where clear and well prepared. It seemed as all her emotions had flown away.

I felt restless and uneasy. I suggested going out that evening, just to clear our minds. But Barbara didn't want to. She said: "why dont you go on your own" and I did. I went to the local cinema and saw the movie; The electric horseman with Robert Redford. There were about ten other people in the cinema. The movie wasn't interesting enough to keep my mind of things. When I came back Barbara was sitting in the same place as when I had left her, it seemed that she had not moved. But her attitude towards me hadn't changed either. She had not changed her mind and she was still convinced that breaking up was the best thing to do, for both of us.

The following morning things hadn't changed. It was a strange situation. Barbara had decided to break up, showed hardly any emotions but she didn't ask me to leave either. I felt very awkward and guilty. Awkward because I never experienced Barbara like this and guilty because the cheerful and very expressive Barbara had turned into this empty shell. I felt responsible for this. After I accompanied Barbara to her college that morning, I decided that I couldn't stand this the anymore. I didn't want to stay for the rest of the week. It makes things only worse and it would also put too much pressure on Barbara. Therefore that morning I bought a ticket for the night boat to Holland for the coming evening. I went to the college to see Barbara again. I still remember the conversation we had then.

B: Where have you been all this time? I have been worried about you!
R: I bought a ticket for the night boat tonight, I am going back to my parents
B: (surprised) So soon! What about this evening?
R: (confused) There is no point, we just be in each other's way.
B: Well, if that is what you want.
R: yes, that is what I want.

We went back to Barbara's room to collect my stuff. There was this bizarre situation that we suddenly had to divide the things we shared. Even this went very sensible and without emotions. Barbara kept the car as I still had my motorbike. Barbara also kept the shared saving account as she always was the most determined to put her spare money into it. We didn't really know what to do with the engagement rings; finally we decided that we each keep our own ring.

Barbara went with me to Liverpool street train station from which the train to Harwich left. On our way there by underground, we didn't say much. We were both far away in our own thoughts. It didn't seem that we were going to say goodbye, as we were still holding each others hands and we were still gentle and kind to each other. Barbara did ask me not to try to contact her; she wanted to be left alone and needed the peace in her head. I could understand that, I told her that I respected her choice and promised that I would leave her alone and that she always could contact me if she wanted, she just smiled.

At the platform we gave each other a final goodbye kiss. At this moment Barbara finally lost control of her emotions. She started crying and kept on crying. She pushed me away told me to get in the carriage quickly. And there I sat, very confused, guilty and not really realizing what had happened the last two days. While the carriage drove away, I saw Barbara standing at the platform covering her face with her hands to hide her tears.

 

分手

那个星期我开着我们的车去伦敦。去的时候我心情还很好因为我觉得我们能够解决问题,我们之前一直都是这样。 我想了几个可行的选择。我可以转学到伦敦的大学,或者我可以在剑桥找个住的地方这样我们周末可以见面。我甚至准备到炸鱼薯条店里帮忙,如果她妈妈允许的话。我觉得可以有各种解决方法。

周一下午我从学校接回Barbara, 我们回到她的房间开始了谈话。Barbara说她注意到没有她的存在我更加快乐。现在我拥有了自由。我享受和朋友们一起的时光,各种体育活动,她觉得我不再需要她了。Barbara觉得自己妨碍了我过我真正想要的生活。她只是在等着我和她分手那一刻的到来。这是她不能够承受的。这种感觉令她不再信任我们的之间的感情。并不是她不再爱我,而是她对我们的感情失去信心了。这种信心曾经给她爱的动力。给她力量为了我们的感情抗争,抵挡来自家人的压力,给她勇气在伦敦独自生活,每周疲惫地在路上奔波。 现在这种对爱的信仰消失了,她再也提不起劲来了。她累了。她厌倦来回奔波,厌倦和妈妈争吵,厌倦担心我们的关系。她想找回内心的平静。她需要时间考虑事情,她希望能够一个人待着。

而我完全没有预料到这一切的到来。我以为只要我们多在一起,事情就会好起来。不管我建议什么改变,Barbara都不同意。她每次都是用同样的理由。她说我为了她放弃自己的生活,而我真正需要的是另一种生活。即使是这样设想也令她不能忍受。她说不能做喜欢的事情只会令我不快乐。她不能忍受看到我不快乐,因为她知道我有多喜欢我的运动,多喜欢和我的朋友们在一起。何况她的家人不会接受我,我们的生活没有未来。

而我两方面都想要。Barbara就是我生活的一部分。但是Barbara不认为这是一种选择。我连选择的机会也没有。Barbara已经替我选择了。她没有明说,可是很明显这种讨论的结论是什么。因此我问她,你觉得我们应该分手么?她说,是的我们应该。 她厌倦了现在这样的生活。她需要内心的平静。她得为自己把一切整理清楚。

之后我们没再说什么。我想不出更多的理由来挽救我们的感情。我对此全然没有心理准备。我很难接受Barbara在谈话中完全没有表现出任何感情。没有哭,没有提高声音,没有试图说服我。仿佛只是在整理她的想法而已。明显她已经考虑了很久,她的理由很清楚也准备充分。她的所有的感性仿佛完全消失了。

我感到焦虑不安。我建议晚上出去走走,冷静一下大脑。Barbara不想去,她建议我自己出去走走。我走出来,去了附近的电影院,看了场Robert Redford出演的"电骑手"。电影院里坐着大概10来个人。电影乏味,无法令我停止思考。我回到房间的时候Barbara还坐在原来的地方,好像从我离开就没有动过。但她对我的态度没有变化。 她没有改变主意,坚持认为分手对于我们两个人都是最好的选择。

第二天早晨一切都没有改变。有点奇怪, Barbara已经决定分手,没有表露任何情感,但她也没有让我离开。我感到非常不自在,同时又感到内疚。 不自在是因为我从来没有见过Barbara这个样子。内疚的是那个快乐的善于表达的Barbara变成了像个空壳似的人。 我觉得是我把她变成这样子的。在那天早晨我送Barbara去上课之后,我觉得自己承受不了这一切了。我不想再待多一个星期,这只会令事情更糟,也会给Barbara太大压力。因此我去买了当晚的夜船回荷兰。 我再次到Barbara的学校去找她。我至今仍记得我们的对话。

B: 你到哪里去了。我一直在担心你。
R:我买了今天夜里的船票,我要回父母家。
B:(惊讶)这么快,今晚怎么安排?
R:(困惑) 没必要了,我们只会相互妨碍对方的生活。
B:好吧,如果你想这样的话。
R:是的,我想要这样。

我们回到Barbara的房间去收拾我的东西。很古怪我们突然得分配我们共有的东西。尽管如此我们还是很理智,Barbara留着车子,我还是开我的摩托车。Barbara也保留了我们的联名账户,她总是把她的结余存进那个账户。我们不知道该怎么处置我们的订婚戒指,最终我们决定各自保留各自的那一枚。

Barbara送我到Liverpool Street火车站,从那里我乘火车回Harwich. 路上我们几乎没有说话。我们都已接受现实想着心事。看起来我们不象是要说再见的样子,我们仍然手拉着手,对彼此的态度也温和友好。Barbara告诉我不要再去找她,她希望一个人待着,需要内心的平静。 我能够理解。我说我尊重她的选择,并保证不会去打扰她,但是她随时可以联络我。她只是微笑。

在站台上我们相互亲吻告别。那一刻Barbara终于不能控制自己的感情。 她开始哭泣,不能停地哭泣。她推开我让我快点上车。我坐在车上, 感到困惑,内疚,搞不清过去的两天到底发生了什么。车慢慢开出的时候,我看到Barbara还站在站台上,掩面而泣。

 

(thanks to Natalie for the translation)

 

Comments   

# RE: breaking upWinky 2011-04-13 10:02
ahww that's sad...........looking forward to the next story Rob! Thank you for writing these stories. Without you we would never know more about Barbara's life. Can I ask you what do you do for living now?
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# RE: RE: breaking upRob 2011-04-13 10:49
I will tell when I finished the stories
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# RE: breaking uphey 2011-04-13 12:36
Hmm... Different stories....
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# RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-13 13:01
Hey, just be patient. We could wait forth nighty for chapter updates. Patient is a bliss.
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# RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-13 15:40
Hi Rob

"The electric horseman "with" Robert Redford" :D

or should it be "by". ;-)
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# RE: breaking upjulia 2011-04-15 02:09
She was saying something that not from her mind. I think she was tired of waiting for you to come back to the life that you two were sticking together just like before.
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# RE: RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-15 03:08
Julia, I agree with you. It's like the mind took control over Barbara's soul.

Barbara went for a short holiday in Hong Kong. Wonder what happened during that trip that made her had a change of heart towards Rob and things surrounding her. :sad:
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# breaking upAnonymous 2011-04-15 09:37
I think someone had a "heart to heart" talk with Barbara when she went back to Hongkong for a short holiday. This cause Barbara to see things/relationships differently - She see things in a more practical & realistic aspect. Hongkong is a very fast pace, aggressive, and striving environment (compared to England). Unfortunately, Hongkong entertainment is a very tough field.
It is not suitable for Barbara's character. Barbara is volatile and have emotional ups & downs. I think England/Europe is more suitable for her. She needs a "man" that almost give her a 100% (like Rob). Kent Tong is the kind who moves on... eventually someone 20 years his junior!!
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# RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-16 04:00
Anonymous, you seem to know so much about Barbara. Somehow, to my gussing you might be related to Barbara.
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# RE: breaking uphey 2011-04-16 05:52
Mei Ling Fan, I began to suspect that anonymous could be Barbara's nephew?
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# RE: RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-16 08:30
I have the same feeling too. Could be her cousin not nephew.
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# RE: breaking uphey 2011-04-16 13:45
Hmm...can't be the case because Barbara was not living with her cousin. If it is the case, why didn't she confide her problems in her cousin other than Rob during her BGR? So I think it is most likely that it could be her nephew because his mother, Shela and BY's uncle(his father) related most stories with him.
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# RE: RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-16 14:20
Oh! ya, may bad. Confused at the moment. Thanks. :P
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# RE: breaking upAnonymous 2011-04-16 19:08
Hi Everyone,
I am just a reader who follow the stories and give my opinion based on the sequence of happenings listed by Rob.
I am absolutely not related to Barbara.
I never live in Hongkong.
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# RE: breaking upAfan 2011-04-18 02:49
How many months did you both let the situation of not seeing each other often go on before the break up? Just wondering if things would have been different if you both made an effort to see each other more often sooner.
Rob, you mentioned that looking back perhaps you both made the wrong decision that lead to the break up. What decision was that?
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# RE: RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-18 04:56
If you have followed the story closely based on previous 2 chapters you'll catch the hint. ;-)
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# BreakingUpNancy 2011-04-18 03:45
Rob. Please clarify on the statement "YOU BOTH MADE THE WRONG DECISION THAT LEAD TO THE BREAK-UP".
This question is also asked by "Afan" above.

Q1) Rob, based on your above statement, you sound like you "regret" that u & Barbara broke up. Were you devastated? Q2) Did you try to see her OR Barbara just close the door on you after she initiated the break-up.
Q3) Looking back, do you think you should have "stick to her like INSTANT glue" & not let go so that you can salvage your relationship?

Little did Barbara know that after "breaking up", she encounter such "turmoil" in Hongkong that she doesn't think her life is worth anything!
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# RE: BreakingUpRob 2011-04-18 08:40
My stories aren't finished yet, be patient and you get your answers.
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# RE: RE: BreakingUpMei Ling Fan 2011-04-18 12:59
As the saying goes Patience is a Bliss.
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# breaking upLove meiling Best 2011-04-18 23:33
Hi Rob, I hope you can come to China one day. We get together to celebrate the Barbara’s birthday. I don’t want Ken to come again. If Ken were in front of you ,Rob would you hit him. He is the most stupid Metamorphosis in the world.
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# RE: breaking upMei Ling Fan 2011-04-19 01:02
Love meiling Best

Your posting is hilarious. :D Ah! I got to know that Kent gets migraine whenever Barbara's birthday or Death Anniversary nearing. :lol:
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# breaking up continuedLove meiling Best 2011-04-19 14:56
I dont know what to say.Rob,when Barara stayed in Hong Kong,have you contacted her?As far as I know,you did not.Why not?
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# RE: breaking up continuedMei Ling Fan 2011-04-19 22:00
Rob, Barbara love you so much. Circumstances could have forced her to choose this way on ending the relationship.
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# Breaking up (continued)Nancy 2011-04-19 22:27
Do you think Barbara's mom/family force her to end relationship this way.
Does she have to choose between family or Rob?
She doesn't seem happy ending the relationship! She was in tears.
So, why did she do it??
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# RE: breaking up continuedunknown 2011-04-20 13:55
Apparently she was still in love with you. I don't understand why she had to break up with you?
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# RE: breaking up continuedJohnD 2011-04-20 21:08
Chinese culture is not like Western culture. In Chinese culture, if you want something, you don't say it directly but indirectly. And then even when it is offered to you, you must refuse, and the one offering it must insist. It's almost like a game, but in Chinese culture this is very common practice.
I wonder if you had insisted to not break up what would have happened.
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# RE: breaking up continueddewdew 2011-04-21 07:49
when a girl says no, it means yes. When a girl says: don't call me, it means you HAVE to call her. When a girl says that she's okay, the fact is she's not okay.

I think that was the reason behind why Barbara wanted to breaking up. She wanted Rob to say to her, that he's going to be with her. That he would leave his social life for just to be with her. If Rob did all that...ahh...but there is no Ifs.

Everything happened for a reason. The only reason is just they not make for each other. That's all.
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# so heart breakingfans 2011-04-21 14:29
the whole thing was so heart breaking. i can imagine the scene at the platform. how sad both of you were. how sad was barbara was a teenage girl.
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# breaking up continuedLove meiling Best 2011-04-21 23:06
It is impressive !Just read a fairy !tale :lol:
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# RE: breaking up continuedHwang 2011-04-22 01:48
Hi Rob,when did this happen?I guess that's not the whole story,right?
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# RE: breaking up continuedhey 2011-04-22 02:44
Rob, is it last story? No more updates of your BGR after that? :P
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# RE: breaking up continuedMei Ling Fan 2011-04-22 04:14
Nope, this is not the last story. The plot is hanging. Please be patient. I'm sure when Rob has the time he will spoil us with more chapters. :lol:
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# Breaking up continuedxx 2011-04-22 04:19
Rob, Yes. Please.. More chapters, please.
We are waiting. You are a pretty good writer now. You describe the breaking up very well - organized yet touching....
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# RE: breaking up continuedKaren 2011-04-22 05:02
She didn't really want to break up with you. She was trying to see how much you care about her, She wanted you to say "Barbara I will give up my social life because you are more important to me". If she really wanted to break up with you, she would not held your hand and walked with you to the train station. She would not ask you "what about this evening."
Can you imagine how sad and lonely she was when she walked back to her house from the train station? It would be a fairy tale if you had jump off the train.
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# RE: RE: breaking up continuedRob 2011-04-22 07:16
This love story isn't over yet, the "fairy tale" continues.
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# breaking up continuedxx 2011-04-22 08:25
Thanks Rob - for keeping us in suspense. U are really good now. We do enjoy the anticipation though. It makes it more interesting.
** U were a very good understanding boy at 21? (then).
** U are a good mature tactful man now.
>> I still can't believe that you two love birds would end breaking up (after what you all have been through all those years, yet u & Barbara persevere!! BUT did not HANG ON to the very end.
>> Both of u should have ELOPED!! & build your own love-nest, raise kids & grow old together!!! You strive for your own happiness!!
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# B & Rob were doomed to break updandelion 2014-01-03 05:23
I hate to say this, but they were doomed to split up. He was a sociable guy, enjoy too many things, could easily move on once he saw another girl at any time. I am not saying this to blame him. It's just the way it was. In fact, I thank him for givin her so much happy time.
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# RE: breaking up continuedR 2011-04-28 07:35
There is an old adage:
"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."

We know the end to this story - it ended with Barbara's demise. The story has a journey and is one to which she left to pursue her fate - what she was meant to be. If she hadn't, there would not be the throngs of fans remembering her today more than 2 decades later after her death. She would have just been an anonymous Chinese woman in the UK. In the grand showcase of life, her departure from you, her push for her own life for whatever reason was what was meant to be. Barbara had no clue on that day when she said her good-byes to you that she would one day attain fame and of how short a life she had left. But...she followed her heart and she did what she felt compelled to do. That, is what fate is about. In the end, she did do the right thing because she followed her heart. That is never wrong, ever.
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# DestinyDan 2011-04-29 23:31
I totally agree with you, R. Barbara's destiny was to turn over a new leaf in her life when she decided to become an actress in HK. Everything happened for a reason and her life was destined to start in HK and sadly end in HK too. If she had not taken this route, Yung Mei Ling would mean nothing to anybody except the people who knew her. Naturally everybody would say how pitiful she died so young at the peak of her career but who knows? Maybe she is having a better quality of life now in another dimension which we are not aware of. Nevertheless, I still wish she was alive.
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# RE: DestinyR 2011-04-29 23:54
It is always hard to not feel sad when someone dies from a tragic death like suicide. You keep wondering surely there was something someone could have done to help them. But if we looked past the death, we would see someone who lived a life that so many, many people can only dream of. Yung Mei-ling was a household name in HK and many parts of South East Asia when she was alive. Between 1982-1985, YML blossomed, became more beautiful, matured and grew up. She attained fame and wealth. She became far more than the naive anonymous Chinese young lady that is highlighted in these stories. She became a sophisticated woman in a complicated society like HK. That is not an easy achievement. But her journey came to an end and she moved on to another dimension, another journey. I wished she were still alive but I think there are just some people whose flame burns so bright and so fast and then they are gone - e.g. Princess Di, Michael Jackson, etc.
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# RE: breaking up continuedjulia 2011-05-04 03:53
Getting married and breaking up with Barara's mum is the best way to go, I believe. Unfortunately mum won again.
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# RE: breaking upBarfan 2011-06-03 09:40
She was brave enough to fight anything that wants to separate you two, but she could not fight the belief that being together would prevent you from living the life you wanted, because she believed that your 'happiness' was above everything else - including your relationship. How silly! You will get old one day, and you will quit sports and night life one day, but your relationship could have lasted a life long - and that's TRUE happiness rather than shallow, transient pleasure! :sad:
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# RE: breaking up continuedBarfan 2011-06-21 21:49
What a heartbreaking story! One wants to sacrifice their relationship for the other's 'freedom', while the other accepts such a silly decision out of 'respect' and confusion. The relation could have been saved, and Barbara could have had a different and probably happier life, if you were both more mature at the time. Well, of course, if...
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# RE: breaking up continuedJack 2011-08-14 09:52
All I can figure out is that's Barbara's test. Maybe it isn't her idea. You don't follow her script, so...
It's sad.
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# RE: breaking up continuedMichelle 2012-05-30 19:07
Rob,

You are a typical Dutch guy, speaking from my own experience.
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# RE: Breaking up 分手 1980 Thup 2012-09-22 22:17
It was so sad that you guys broke up after staying such a long time in relationship. My eyes were full of tears. You could have hold the relationship when you guys had conservation on the phone. She was Worried about you and thinking of the evening and during that time if you change your planning to return home then there might be chance of being together. I am feeling so sad now. Nothing more to write.
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# RE: Breaking up 分手 1980 Rob 2012-09-22 22:27
This is not the end yet, more stories will follow.
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# RE: Breaking up 分手 1980 Thup 2012-09-22 22:42
I would love to read. I'm getting really emotion now. Thank u for sharing.
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# Breaking up 1980Eva 2013-02-06 00:11
When reading this article, I cried harldy, especially when I imagined the scene you and Barbara stond at the platform with kiss, miss and tears. It was not easy for Barbara to make the decision to break up with you. She had much pain than you, I think. She made this decision was just totally for you. She thought that it was good for you, she did not want to be a burden to you anymore. She wanted you to have your freedom and happiness. I saw that she loved you very very much.
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# RE: Breaking up 1980Eric 2013-08-19 22:03
I think you are right, Eva. sigh... I cannot believe I would cry as a man, after all these years AFTER Barbara's pass... :oops:
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 APPLE 2013-06-19 05:47
如所述barbara哭得那么伤悲,内心是不想跟你分手的,你当时为什么不用“电梯战术”去挣取挽回你俩的关系?我想她当时肯定希望你能说“barbara,no!no!no!I love you ,I wouldd't break up!!"你应该求求她呀
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 feng 2013-08-06 13:42
Quoting APPLE:
如所述barbara哭得那么伤悲,内心是不想跟你分手的,你当时为什么不用“电梯战术”去挣取挽回你俩的关系?我想她当时肯定希望你能说“barbara,no!no!no!I love you ,I wouldd't break up!!"你应该求求她呀

我和你想得一样,有点像偶像剧里的桥段哈。我想如果是中国男生,尤其是年龄偏大的肯定懂女生这种心理的。
那我说说我的看法,综合前面所有文章来看,rob自己也提到了,他们的相处模式是respect each other,双方十分平等的。再加上西方人的线性思维,直白的表达方式,而且那时的rob又那么年轻,一下子遇到分手这种大问题是完全没有应对经验的。
其实我觉得一路下来rob一直做得很好,想尽办法找原因,弥补过错,而barbara的性格问题才是导致分手事件的主要原因。
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 USA_Fan 2013-08-09 00:51
I think it was all about timing. He was not ready to settle down while she has her own ambition and relatives' expectation. Breakup was inevitable.

But at least they had loved and been loved. A lot of people live their whole lives without a taste of it.
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 Eric 2013-08-19 22:00
After reading the story, I think Barbara was just hoping to be loved more... its like tricks girls play on boys... that is just my guess. I think if you would have stayed for the week, and let things cooled down a bit, it might have turned differently... that is just my thought. Of course it is not easy to take of an emotional girl. I understand how you felt, Rob.
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# that's destinyyan 2014-06-16 09:27
oh man,actually she was in a big dilemma.I could imagine, that she expected, you stay a little bit longer with her in London, until that kinda anger disappeared. My God...look at the dialog,it's so obvious,that your leaving was a big shock for her. In that moment, she just felt being abandoned.
that was definitely a misunderstanding of Culture. The little chinese girl, Barbara, was so emotional,that she could superficially show, how unchangeable decision she made. That was the reason,why she pushed you away, but in the deep of her heart, she was still waiting, that with your power the actuality could be changed. She was waiting for a non-giving-up Rob...

That is live,Rob.The destiny decide everthing. Just appreciate what you have now, and keep it as a sweet memory.
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 比竹丹 2014-06-19 13:42
:sad: 爱得越深,伤得越重,真心爱一个人,就要珍惜那份来之不易的感情,要勇敢的担当起应有的责任来,一切都不可重来。
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# WhyCLY 2014-10-16 07:24
First of all, the fact that BY's mum had allowed both of you to see each other that means she had consented.

And the break-up. It was very difficult for her but she could see that you were growing out of your puppy-love. She knew that you were both going in different directions. She must have thought that instead of waiting for you to leave her she had better do it sooner to save herself suffering deeper heart-break and so that her memories of you would still be good.
The reason she was emotionless was because she was trying very hard not to break down and to prevent her emotional self to take over her rational mind.
She did not change. She just realized that you were growing up.
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# additionCLY 2014-10-18 04:58
Sorry, I forgot to add something.
I don't agree that when a chinese girl says, 'no', she means 'yes'. I think emotionally it was very painful for her but she knew that that would make you happier. She knew you were slipping from her. She didn't want you to stay with her simply out of obligation. She had to be firm and determined and thus sounded so because she needed to convince and remind herself that she must say, 'no'. Or else she would break down and get back together with you again. I shudder to think how she continued to live her life after that.
But if I were you, after going through so much I wouldn't give up. But that's rational thinking. If you were really into her you wouldn't be able to leave even if you tried. You were not ready to take care of another person as anyone should when they are in a relationship. But most Asians, especially in those days, do not start a relationship with you if they don't foresee a future with you.
...tbc.
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# additionCLY 2014-10-18 04:59
...contd.
Did you look forward to have a future with her at that time?
It's painful and scary to suddenly see your future disappear in front of you. It's like looking into a mirror and not see your face or anything. And she had to endure going back to her mum and her mum would say, ‘there I told you so..…’
This is what I think from what I have read so far. The truth may be completely different. Even now, from the way you write, I don’t think you were really into her. Have you notice the way you refer to her and the way hypothesized the what ifs?

...tbc
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 orange 2014-12-28 02:24
爱情之火一开始燃烧得很熊烈,到后来必定熄灭,感情由浓转淡,对翁美玲的伤害有多大?女孩子们遇到异国恋可要谨慎啊,不要让爱情冲昏了头脑。如ROB所言是翁先提出分手的,难道ROB不担心翁会不会再去自杀?没有结果的爱情会把女人伤得很痛,这让我觉得当年的ROB到后来都不怎么在乎翁了。不过不分手的话也就没有我们心中的翁版黄蓉了!
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# RE: 39. Breaking up 分手 1980 Lily 2015-01-13 18:07
She is a beautiful girl but she was insecure. she didn't want to break up, at all. she wanna see you fight for her, she wanna see the Rob in the first date - the one who cared so much about her. she didnt expect you to just go watch a god damn movie, she must be wondering why didnt you just go hold her tight and why did just leave her alone. that must have been a horrible 2 hours for her to wait. All she wanted you to do is just dont let her go. Did you really not understand? or you dont actually care anymore back then? well but cant blame you really, passion dies someday, its sad but normal i guess
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# 分手1980dandanbean 2018-11-17 17:02
I'm sorry, I can't speak English。中国女孩子很奇怪的,明明喜欢一个人,偏偏要说“你好讨厌”。说分手,实际上是在看你是不是真的喜欢她,在乎她,因为你之前对她缺少关心爱护让她一直很失望。当她对你说分手的时候,其实她的内心是在唤醒你表现出舍不得离开她,挽留她,这样她的目的就达到了,如果你真的跑了,那么她就只能真的伤心了,中国女孩子就是这样麻烦,喜欢不停的进行爱情上的诚意考试,筛掉了很多真爱!当她说分手的时候内心却是非常爱你的,但她却不会意识到这样说会令没有经验的男方很难受,除非她遇到了爱情老手就该她上当受骗了!但是Rob你却忍心的一边看着她伤心的哭泣,自己却往一边跑了!Barbara就只能真的伤心了! :lol:
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# You did not understand a cantonese girl after all!Ken Chau 2020-06-16 14:19
Hello Rob., From the beginning till the end of your relations with Barbara, you did not really put anything or work for this relation. All you could think of that it was your playful time. On the contrary, Barbara sacrificed her everything on this relation. You were enjoying the result which Barbara solely plough it herself. Until the last minute, Barbara still asked you! Did you realize?
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