Barbara was the only reason why I stayed in England. Now Barbara had gone out of my life I immediately started to build up a social life in Holland. I joined a volleyball and athletic club and my oldest brother introduced me into the student life. Within no time I had build up my own social network in Holland. When I was back at college in Norwich, I continued the life I was leading before we broke up. The Friday night that always was reserved for Barbara was soon taken over by other activities. Barbara was right, I enjoyed my life at college and she didn't have to be there for me to do so.

At first I expected that Barbara would get in touch with me, but she never did. She also had no contact with our friends in Cambridge. She had disappeared from my life. After a while I accepted that and assumed that she had found her peace and that she was much happier now. Having my busy life in a setting where Barbara never was part off, made it easier for me to accept this and to get on with my life. I am a very positive person, I always try to see the best side of things, no matter what happens. The thought that Barbara had her peace now was enough for me to accept that our relation had ended. Like some people say, just pick up the pieces and start again.

The most difficult period for me was during the summer holiday. My parents were married 25 years. As a present my brothers and I rented a house in the middle of France for two weeks, so that we all could have a family holiday together. This was painful, just me alone while my brothers were there with their girlfriends. Barbara should have been there, we would have had a fantastic time. It was just what she wanted, being part of a close family, spending a holiday together.

After this I went on my own for a three week holiday to Greece. There I teamed up with some Greeks. They showed me what the real Greek life is like. It was a wonderful holiday. Those Greeks treated me as if I was part of their families. They invited me to all kinds of places and family happenings.

After the summer holiday I went back to Norwich to start my final year and picked my student life again and still no news or signs from Barbara.

 

没有Barbara的日子

Barbara是我留在英国的唯一理由。既然她已经离开了我的生活,我开始在荷兰开始我的社交。我参加了一个排球与田径俱乐部,我大哥带我进入了学生圈子。没用多少时间我在荷兰就有了自己的朋友。回到Norwich之后我还是继续着和Barbara分手前的生活方式。留给Barbara的周五晚上很快被其他的活动占据。Barbara说得没错,我享受我的大学生活,Barbara是否在并无影响。

开始我期望Barbara会和我联系,但她从来没有。她也没有和我们在剑桥的朋友们联系。她就这样从我的生活中消失了。过了一段时间我开始接受事实,以为她找回了她心灵平静,应该比原来更幸福。沉浸在我忙忙碌碌的大学生活,而Barbara原本也不是其中部分,这让我更容易接受现实,继续我的日子。我是一个很乐观的人,无论发生什么,我总是尽量看事情的好的一面。而想到Barbara可以拥有她的平静生活,也足以让我接受我们的关系已经结束。像有人说的那样,捡起碎片,从新开始。

对我来说最难过的是度假的日子。那年我的父母结婚25周年,作为礼物我的哥哥们和我在法国中部租了一个房子,为期两周。 我们全家可以一起去度假。我的哥哥们都和女朋友们在一起,而Barbara不在那儿。对我来说那是最痛苦的时候。Barbara如果在那的话,我们一定可以渡过完美的时光。和亲近的家人一起度假,这正是Barbara期望的假日。之后我独自去了希腊3周。在那里我遇到一些希腊朋友,经由他们,我体会了真正的希腊生活。那是个美好的假期。那些希腊朋友把我当作他们家人一样,邀请我参加了家庭聚会和不同地方。

暑假后我回到Norwich开始我最后一个学期的学习,从新开始我的学生生活。Barbara仍然毫无音讯。

(thanks to Natalie for the translation)

 

 

 

 

Comments   

# RE: Life without BarbaraHannah 2011-05-11 16:33
I see Barbara making all these preparations and planning the break up as a selfless act. I really do. She loved you enough to make sure it was the right time where you can transition easily. And you did. I believe a part of her was very happy to know that you were able to move on and be happy and that she didn't have to worry about you once she was gone. I believe you to be patient and very loving, and gave in to many of the things Barbara wanted, even if you didn't completely understand her. It really is a beautiful love story. I do not see it as a sad one, or a bad ending one. I see it as a beautiful relationship with ups and downs, with love, tenderness, and understanding. You both reached for a far place few people would go during that time.
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# Life without BarbaraAnonymous 2011-05-12 03:48
Rob, U are so good to Barbara.
Question) Do u think Barbara did the right thing of letting you go.
^^ U now have a life partner with 3 beautiful daughters. U really have freedom to do what u want eg. re-union, buiding this website. U & your family can go on vacations etc. If u married Barbara, there may be constant conflict with her mom, not to mention coping with Barbara's unstable emotions.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraRob 2011-05-12 09:13
A very interesting question, I will answer it after my last story.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHarmony 2011-05-12 17:36
what do you mean with under the picture that "Barbara's influence on your appearance was gone"? i have seen all of your pictures, and you seemed not to change with or without her. hope for an explanation on this. thanks!
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# RE: RE: Life without BarbaraRob 2011-05-12 18:20
In the picture I looked unshaven and my hair was just a mess. Barbara would never allow that.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraAnna 2011-05-12 18:36
Rob I kept reading your stories, try to find a good reason that you two broke up, but the ending sounds 'not so romantic I have to say, it even makes me feel disappointed that your love towards to Barbara disappeared so fast. Surly becoming a player of university sport team would attracted many other girls, and it can brings insecurity with Barbara, especially she was just a lonely lonely girl,she had only you but you have the whole world it was so unfair, do you know that Barbara's last birthday(just a few days before she committed suicide), she had it alone! the failure or relationship with you must influence her so much, that made her feel she was girl who could never have true love. If you are a kind person even you got totally no love to her, at least showed some friendly caring maybe, just maybe she wouldn't kill herself.....
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# RE: Life without BarbaraAnna 2011-05-12 18:44
but you lied to yourself that she had got her peace, or she would not still care about you after you broke up for two years, these sound to me very like excuses, just to comfort yourself. And if you don't feel any ,any guilty of her short life at your heart you wouldn't build this website to remember her...
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# To AnnaMei Ling Fan 2011-05-13 02:41
Anna, after reading your comments you're being very rude and sacastic. Please let Rob finish HIS STORIES then all of us will know the real truth.

How SURE ARE YOU that Barbara SPEND her LAST BIRTHDAY alone???? Where did you get the information.

A LOYAL fan will not bash Barbara. Your comments are indeed bashing Barbara and Rob. Period.
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# To Anna...Hannah 2011-05-12 19:01
As her fans, we all adore and miss her very much. However, I must say Ms. Anna, you have very little perception of how much depth and complexity an individual can be. Not all deeply rooted issues can be fixed with a relationship, and no situation is ever just black and white.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraAnna 2011-05-12 19:08
well, Hannah, maybe I am too romantic, I believe that all issues can be fixed if love was strong enough. There is no right or wrong to break with someone,but it wouldn't be too hard to just show some mercy
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHannah 2011-05-12 19:42
"show mercy"? Its a break up my dear, not a slaughter house. "IF" love was strong enough, and that includes love for your oneself also. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are the right person who can "fix" them. And just because you can't fix someone, doesn't mean you do not love them with all your heart. There is nothing wrong with being a romantic, but this is subject that requires more of an open view than just one romantic view.
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# RE: RE: Life without BarbaraAnna 2011-05-13 16:47
Agreed, maybe my expectation of Bob was more than he could handle.
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# Life without BarbaraAnonymous 2011-05-13 03:55
I think both Rob & Barbara can have "private life" that involves sports, hobbies, friends. Rob put up with Barbara's family and her ups & downs. Not many men have patience for that. Barbara is a lovely girl. On one hand, she is a very strong/smart girl -"running a family business" while going to college & dating. On the other hand, she is "suicidal" when things don't go smoothly. She has complex & conflicting personality traits. She does not have her own social life. She "hangs onto a guy" to fill her insecurities and demand close to 100% attention. Barbara's family did not support the relationship. Barbara was initiated the break-up first and told Rob not to contact her at all. So, Rob has the right to be involved with sports to get over Barbara. I think this is acceptable! Barbara is a very troubled girl. She needs serious professional help. Unfortunately, she did not get any! Anna sounds "childish" in her comments above.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraAnna 2011-05-13 12:07
all you gays said sound very reasonable---in a normal situation for a normal girl, just one sentence that" she needs professional help" that sounds so easy, but if she was one of your family, would you still say that she was a very trouble girl, wouldn't you try anything that can avoid her suicide? The people who is attending suicide need more caring and help, and only people like Bob ,her ex bf knew she had been having such bad situation---I bet Bob knows Barbara much more than her mother, Bob had ability to do something.----just one example,if you see a person standing on the roof planning to jump down to die, even a stranger would give help, don't you ?
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# RE: RE: Life without BarbaraAnna 2011-05-13 12:08
*guys
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# Comment for AnnaAnonymous 2011-05-13 14:14
Anna, Why don't you quit your job and look for suicidal persons around you and designate yourself to be their "SAVIOR" -ie. stand by their side 24 hours a day/ 365 days a year because you are the "only person" that can help them!
If you "did not succeeed" helping them, that is because you HAVE NOT done enough!!! You are ridiculous and silly!!!
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# RE: Comment for AnnaMei Ling Fan 2011-05-13 14:43
Anonymous, Just forget about the silly person comments. :D She didn't filter on what she wants to say. Anyway it's a waste of time to continue debating on this matter.

By the way I like your 'caps' too. ;-)
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# RE: Comment for AnnaAnna 2011-05-13 15:13
I wish god bless you two, that non of your family or close friends would commit suicide after they had one or two failure relationship.

Besides I just tell my feelings about the last 3 posts, maybe they are not very polite but I am just being honest,as a girl.and Mie Ling Fan , I found the real rude person is actually you .
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# 40. Life without Barbara - Anonymous 2011-05-13 14:14Fairchild 2018-12-12 04:33
Soon after Barbara had passed away, a fellow actress apologised to Barbara's mum for not being able to help her. Her mum answered that Barbara had tried to kill herself before. Her mum said, "If a person was prone to suicide attempts, you might be able to save her this time but you couldn't save her the next time."
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHannah 2011-05-13 17:02
I am not saying we should NOT care about others. We should care about people whether they are family or not, its the right thing to do. However, You are wrong for pointing blame on Rob being the reason she committed suicide and even went as far as to say "he's in guilt that is why he is making this website". This is NOT A BLAME game. You are a bystander reading a story, does this qualify you to judge who is in the wrong now? Even if Rob didn't love Barbara anymore, and "HE" broke up with her, it is not a SIN. People get together love, and sometimes it just doesn't work out. This was a choice made by two adults. Your accusations depict that these two adults made the wrong choice by breaking up, by not knowing how to help one another any further, and that because they love each other, they are forever responsible for the actions that each one individually makes on their own, of their free will.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHannah 2011-05-13 17:04
We can go on all day, all night, all year, with a lot of "what if's". This is no longer a "what if" situation, this is a "what was". You are right that Barbara needed the extra attention due to her own personal issues, no one is saying its easy. It is obviously not easy, and we would feel the same way if it was our own family member. However, it doesn't mean every one knows what to do, how to do it, or when to do it. Blaming someone for not knowing isn't right either. Would you blame yourself if you did not know the proper way to resuscitate a person by the time you were 5 years old, or 10 years old, or 40 years old? There is a huge difference if you don't know, then if you did know, and intentionally did not care. Are you saying Rob knew, and he intentionally did not care? You are as bold as to make a statement as though it was a fact?
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHannah 2011-05-13 17:05
I think you may be judging too fast. While much of Barbara was a mystery for a long time, determining the root and extent of her issues, trauma, and depression, is a long term forbearing matter. A bad relationship maybe just one of many many reasons for her problems, or it may not even be the real reason at all. You maybe young Anna, and I feel a little bad for everyone coming down on you, but just like you are entitled to your opinion, I am to mine. You are out of line to point blame.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHannah 2011-05-13 17:17
To Anna: (((((((HUGS)))))) No hard feelings. I agree that LOVE does a lot, but because we are so imperfect, we even mess that up.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraHeeHeeHee 2011-05-13 18:09
I agree with Hannah. Very nicely said.
a)Rob is not a psychiatrist.
b)He is not Barbara's husband.
c)He is only Barbara's boy friend (He has no legal or financial obligation to help Barbara other than just moral responsibility because they are not married and Rob at that time is just a student).
d) Barbara's family does not even care dirt about Rob.
e)It is Barbara's family's responsibility to help Barbara ie. take her to professional therapy, perhaps on some medication that can help her control her emotions. But, that did not happen!
f) Rob can give moral support. However, Barb's family totally ignore Rob's existence. So, there are not even attempts to communicate with Rob to find ways to help Barbara.
Conclusion:
- Rob has done his best as a boyfriend.
- Rob makes the best out of the situation and raised 3 kids.
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# RE: Life without BarbaraRob 2011-05-14 01:03
Hello Anna,
I understand your feelings and thereby I realize that I might not have been clear on the situation at that time. Maybe I can explain further. At the time we broke up Barbara was in pretty bad shape and I felt responsible for that. I was very naïve and thought that as I was the cause of the problem, that if I disappeared from Barbara’s life, her problems would be solved. At the same time Barbara thought she was preventing me to live the life I really wanted. Basically it was just a communicative misunderstanding why we didn’t try to get in contact with each other after we broke up (so I heard later). We were just offering our selves so that the other person could live the life we thought they wanted.
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# Life without BarbaraHeeHeeHee 2011-05-14 22:47
Hi Rob,
If you & Barbara's broke up is due to "miscommunication" as you explained above, that's too bad!!!
I can't imagine why she told you she wanted to break up just because at one point you all spend less time together due to college distance. A lot of girl friends/boy friends could be separated "temporarily" for 2-3 years due to college distance. However in this case, Barbara is emotionally unstable and she comes from a complex family background. Also, even if you say her MOM is not the cause of your break-up; I think deep down, the pressure that Barbara receives from her family one way or another impact your relationship negatively. If your relationship has her "family blessing", you all may have grown children by now!! That's fate!!
Your LOVE STORY make a good TVB series!!
I look forward to it!!
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# RE: Life without BarbaraBarfan 2011-06-21 22:04
I apologize if you find this question offensive. But I am really curious to know what your relationship with Barbara REALLY meant to you at the time, except 'you had a great time together' and 'you need a girlfriend on holidays like other brothers did' etc.? Or maybe put it in another way, how much did you think about Barbara each day, after you broke up?

I believe if Barbara is asked the same questions now, her answer would be plain and simple, and we all knew what the answer would be.
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# u really dont konw herBOB: 2013-05-28 06:41
dear rober:
when i see barbara is crying to looking at you on the boat,i am breakhearted.she is crying because she love u! you really don't know a girl's thought.in china,some kinds of girl like that,she says i don't love u anymore,u go.it means the opposite meaning.she is really really love u very much!at that moment,i think she is very loney.if u get off the boat,and hug her closly,say i will never say googbye to u .she must happy .life is so difficult..
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# break upCLY 2014-10-16 07:55
I feel that yours and BY's tenacity to have the relationship was amazing. Both of you really climbed the highest mountain and swam the widest ocean. But I don't understand why the break-up was so easy, clean without any emotional attachment. I don't understand why someone can just 'get on' with life so easily and quickly after so much. You managed to overcome the unsurmountable for so long. So many years! I think you were growing up and BY was already matured and contented. I can imagine it was very heart-breaking for her and it wasn't a rash decision. She had been thinking long and hard. In the end she thought that was the best for you.
People commit suicide because they are very tired with their struggle. The hike is too long and exhausting. They just need to stop. One thing can trigger it but that is because the person's immune system is already weakened (read - too much toll on their emotion through the years). The suicide is to sit down and rest.
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# Both sideWang Ying 2016-07-11 20:56
If it's me , also I wil not contact that one , it's very suffering and down moment , but for this type of girl , she prefer to bear it rather than to show their real mind . Some people will choose to leave the pain wth thenselves .
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