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"我第一次看到她演黄蓉的剧集时，心里想：那分明就是她自己，她根本就没在演戏嘛！"Rob笑着说。今年53岁的他，脸上早已有了皱纹，金发已变灰白，头顶也显得稀疏，但笑容还是很灿烂，跟老照片里一般地孩子气。许多年前，大概就是这般的阳光笑容吸引了那个孤独阴郁的少女，那位人们后来记得叫翁美玲的影坛传奇。
"the first time i saw her in the tv play in which she plays Huang Rong, i was thinking, that is Barbara herself. She is not acting!" Rob said with a smile. 53 year old Rob has already got some middle age look with some wrinkles on his face. His gold hair is now grey and gettign thinner on the top. His smile is still bright, same sort of childlike smile as in those old pictures. Many years ago probably this sunshine like bright smile attracted that lonely and morose young girl, the one who is now memorized as the TV legend Wung Mei Ling.
传奇背后的真实女孩
The real girl behind the legend
那已经是很久以前的事了。29年前，一位名不见经传的女孩从三千名候选人中脱颖而出，获选出演金庸名著《射雕英雄传》里古灵精怪的黄蓉。她就这样成了传奇，黄蓉从此也成为她的代名词，在此后数代观众心中扎下了根。然而那也是好久以前的事了，年方26岁的翁美玲在事业巅峰之际开煤气自杀身亡。多年来，她仍然被成千上万的影迷惦记着，但这世界上只有极少数人记得她真正的样子。
It was such a long time ago. A young girl with no fame came out of the competition of three thousands candiates to be Huang Rong, the super clever role of young girl in "xxxx". She soon became a real legend. Huang Rong became another name of her,deeply rooted in the mind of the fans of several generations. It was also such a long time ago, she turned on the gas in her apartment and ended her own life at the summit of her career. She has been missed and memorized by thousands of fans for so many years, yet only a few in the world remember her as what she was really like.
Rob就是这少数中的少数，他固守着丝丝缕缕的回忆，不肯放手，甚至制作网站娓娓道来他们那段难忘的青涩恋情。他说："很多人问我，为什么要公开这些往事。我的动机很单纯，我只是希望人们可以看见真实的她，而不仅是一张漂亮的脸蛋罢了。"
Rob is one of the "a few". He still holds on to every bit of his memories and does not want to let it go. He even made a website to tell their unforgettable young love story. He said , Many people ask me why i chose to publish the stories from the past. My incentive was very simple. I just hope that the people could see the real her, not just a pretty face.
孤独的身影
Lonely girl
他与翁美玲相识时，两人都只有17岁。当时随父母移居英国的荷兰少年Rob，时常见到翁美玲在英国剑桥艺术科学学院食堂里，孤伶伶地一个人坐着，在笔记本上涂涂写写，这引起了他的注意。问起Rob对她的第一印象，他眯起了眼睛，像是想通过记忆的针孔，在往事的大海里捞出她那张少女的脸庞。"很可爱，很有趣，她很有幽默感。有点自我封闭，不是很开放，很孤独的一个人。"
He first met Wung Mei Ling when they were both 17 years old. The Dutch teenage boy Rob moved to UK along with his parents. He often saw Wung Mei Ling sit alone the canteen of Cambridge Art and Science Insititute, writing something on her notebook. Asked about his first impression of her, Rob narrowed his eyes fractionally as if he was trying to focus to see clearly the young girl's fresh face in the sea of memories, "very cute, funny and full of humourous spirit. Sometimes she was an intervert, not ready to open up as a lonely individual. "
孤独，似乎是翁美玲一生的诅咒。打从十几岁随着母亲与继父移民到英国，她就成了家中开设的炸鱼速食店最重要的支柱，家人依赖她用英文跟客户沟通、作帐、处理文件，使得她在上学与在家帮忙外几乎没有自己的生活空间。Rob说："她绝对不是什么千金小姐，她的双手布满了被热油烫伤的伤痕。"在认识Rob之前，她没有朋友，甚至连剑桥的华人社群也是通过Rob的引介，她才开始与华人学生圈有了联系。
"Lonely" might have been the curse of Wung Mei Ling's whole life. Since she emmigrated into UK at teenage with her mother and her step father, she was the main support of the family-run fish and chips restaurant. Her family relied on her to communicate with the customers, to help with accounting and documents processing in English. As a result, she had almost no free life space to her own after going to school and helping out in the shop. Rob said, "She was not a queen type of girl. Her hands were covered with the scars left by hot oil burns. " Before she met Rob, she had no friends. Through Rob, she got in contact with the Cambridge Chinese community and started to have connection with the circle of other Chinese students.
刻骨铭心的初恋
Unforgettable first love
由于翁美玲的母亲不赞同她与西方人交往，两人只能将恋情地下化。在那个没有手机互联网的时代，他们只能用年轻恋人燃烧不尽的热情与时间，换取每一个短暂的见面机会。翁美玲会假装要到植物园写生，但时常她舅舅会偷偷跟在身后，看她是否真的去画画了，还是借口要与Rob见面。因此Rob会先躲起来，直到安全了才出来与她相聚。有时候她被家里的事耽搁了，出不了门，他也就只能呆呆地等着。
Because Barbara's mother did not approve her dating with a westerner, they had to hide their relation. At the age without cell phones and Internet, they could only trade their young lovers' endless energy and time with a chance of short meet. Barbara would pretend that she was going to paint in the botanical garden. Sometimes her uncle would follow her to check if she really went to do her painting or it was just an excuse to meet with Rob. Rob would usually hide first and only come out to meet her when it was "safe". Sometimes she was delayed due to some family matters and could not leave home, all he would do was waiting.
后来两人进了大学分隔两地，相见更加困难。每周五晚上她会来他当时就学的Norwich找他，一天约好晚上八点到车站接她，却一直不见她来，他等到火车站都关门了，一个人坐在大雪纷飞冷风刺骨的月台上，坚持地等下去。凌晨三点，一辆迟到的火车终于抵达了，上面就坐着翁美玲，见到他又是高兴又是感动。"在我们相恋的这五年里，大部分的时间都花在等待，等待与她见面的时刻。我的生活完全以她为中心，我从来不曾怀疑我们会永远地相爱下去。"
Later they went to different universities away from each other. It became more difficult to meet up. Every Friday night She went to Norwich where his university was located. Once he arranged to meet her at the railway station at 8 p.m., but she did not show up at the agreed time. He sat to wait at the freezing cold flatform in the snow as the railway station was closed till she arrived in a delayed train at 3 a.m. She was so happy and touched at the sight of him. "During the five years we were together, i spent most time waiting for the moments to meet her. My life was arranged around her as the center. I never doubted that we would be in love forever. "
以自杀换取注意
Get attention by suicide
异国恋在80年代的英国华人圈还是个禁忌，时常两个人到中餐馆吃饭，聊着聊着翁美玲突然大声地说了一些中文，搞得Rob一头雾水。后来他才明白，原来是餐厅里的华人们在对他们指指点点，甚至口出恶言，她因此故意说些中文，让他们明白她听得懂。家庭的不谅解、社会大环境的敌视，让他们的感情倍尝艰辛。翁美玲的母亲也不厌其烦地引介她与有钱华侨的公子认识，希望她嫁入豪门，让一家人跟着翻身。
In the 80s, dating a westerner was not accepted in the local Chinese community. Sometimes Barbara suddenly spoke some Chinese loudly when they were chatting in a Chinese restaurant, which often confused Rob. Later he realized that some Chinese in the restaurant were giving some rude comments on them. Barbara deliberately spoke some Chinese to show them that she was able to understand Chinese. They had also to face the objection from both her family and the social environment, which was very hard for the young couple. Barbara's mother also kept introducing her to young men from well being Chinese families, hoping she could marry into a rich family and ease the life of her family.
然而翁美玲也有办法让她的母亲屈服，最有效的手段就是自杀。在与Rob交往期间，她就曾两次服药自杀被送进医院，逼得她传统的母亲不得不对他们的恋情睁一只眼闭一只眼，甚至容忍未婚的两人到威尼斯度假。Rob说："我并不认为她真的想死，自杀是她得到注意力的方式，是她在说：'我受不了了！'每次她自杀，我或她的母亲就会改变我们的态度，让状况得到好转。我相信她最后开煤气时也是这样的用意，只可惜他们发现得太晚了！"
However Barbara had her own methods to force her mother to give in, the most effecient one was suiside. During the time they were together, Barbara were sent to hospital twice for medicine overdosing. Her mother had to acquiesce in their relation and even once allowed the unmarried couple to go on a holiday in Venice. Rob said, "i don't think she meant to kill herself. Suiside is her way of saying 'I cannot take it anymore'! Every time she committed suiside, her mother or myself had to change our attitude and then the situation improved. I believe that was the intention when she finally turn on the gas. Unforetunately they found it too late. "
私定终生与生死分离
Engagement and last goodbye
在Rob的眼中，他与翁美玲的一段情，绝非是年轻人的露水姻缘，最好的例证就是两人曾论及婚嫁，更在Rob家人的见证下，举行了简单的订婚仪式。当时才20岁的两个人，对携手共度余生毫无怀疑。然而他们的爱情却逐渐受到距离与性格差距的侵蚀，"她是很严肃的一个人，除了上学打工，她就在租屋处一个人坐着。我则有非常丰富的学生生活，有很多的朋友，我喜欢当学生，还没准备好就业工作。我也非常想念荷兰，向往着荷兰年轻人轻松无负担的生活方式。"
For Rob, his love story with Barbara is not just young people's puppy love. They were serious and thought about their future. With the witness of Bob's family, they even had a simple engagemenet ceremony. For the two young couple at the age of 20, there were no doubt that they would spend the rest of their life together holding each other's hand. However their love gradually started to get affected by the physically distance and difference in personaltiy. "She was a serious person. She would stay alone in her rented flat other than going to school or working. I however had a rich university student life with a lot of friends. I enjoyed being a student and was not ready to find a job. I missed Holland and looked forward to the careless and burdenless life of young dutch people. "
认识到两人对未来欠缺共识，加上多年夹在家庭与恋情中的疲惫，翁美玲决心分手。两次分合后，Rob搬回荷兰，然而他从没想过，此番别离，就是死别。1983年他到英国访友，还找过翁美玲，但那时她已经到香港发展了。"再次听到她的消息，就是我们共同的好友告诉我，参加家庭葬礼时，意外发现了她的墓。我非常地悲伤，这么些年来，我一直告诉我自己，她一定已经找到她想要的生活，过着快乐的日子，分手的决定是正确的。但听到她的死讯后，我不知道该怎么想了。"
Having realized the lack of common understanding for their future and wornout trapped in between her family and this relationship, Barbara decidde to break up. After getting back together and broke up once again, Rob moved back to Holland. However he did not realize that was the last good bye with Barbara in this life. In 1983 he went to England for a visit and looked for Barbara, but she had gone back to Hong Kong. Next time he heard about her was from a friend of them. The friend told Rob she conincidentally saw her grave when she attended a family funeral. "I was very sad. Over all those years, i told myself that she must have found the life she wanted and been living happily. The decision was right. After i heard of the news of her death, i did not know what to think."
记忆与秘密
Memories and secrets
他造访过她的墓地，近几年来，他甚至年年去一趟，帮她整整坟前的玫瑰花，常常被刺扎得满手是血。他建起Barbarayung.nl网站，回忆两人五年情感的点点滴滴，像是个漂浮在虚拟世界里的爱之圣殿。家人不会介意吗？有三个女儿、感情稳定的他笑着说："还好啦，我女儿对我这个小癖好置若罔闻。我女友嘛，她当然是不太高兴，但勉强还可以容忍。"
He visited her grave. In the recent years, he went once a year to tidy up the roses in the front of her grave. His hands sometimes bled cut by the rose thorns. He set up a website barbarayung.nl to record the momeries of the five years they were together for, as if it is a floating palace of love in a virtual world. "Don't your family members mind of this?" The man with three daughters and a stable partner said with a smile, "It is fine. My daughters donot care about my little hobby . My partner, of course is not very happy about it, but she can still tolerate it. "
网站推出以来，高峰期有九百万造访人次，更有许多陌生人在网上留下他们自己的故事。然而高知名度也让这个网站饱受黑客攻击之苦，大量信息在多次攻击之间流失。所幸这些攻击如何夺不走他对翁美玲的记忆，事实上，还有更多的故事等着被说出。"她的母亲现在八十多岁了，耳朵不灵了，但身体还很硬朗。有些故事，尤其是跟她家里有关的事，还是等到她母亲离世后再说比较好，"Rob说。
The highest hit numbre of the website was 9 million during the peak time. A lot of strangers left their own stories at the website. The higher reputation also brought in the trouble of being hacked often. A lot of information was lost after several attacks. Luckily they won't take away his memories of Barbara. In fact, there are more stories to tell. "Her mother is now in the eighties. She is still healthy but has some hearing problems. Some stories, especially the ones related to her family, it is better to tell after her mother passes away. " said Rob.
望着咖啡厅外突然滂沱的大雨，他静静地说："其实我最希望的，是有人能为她写一本传记。我自己不是适当的人选，因为我只知道一个小部分的她。我只是想跟所有关心她的人一起怀念她啊！我相信她不会介意的。"
Looking at the pourig down rain out of the cafe window, he quietly said, "I really hope someone can write a book about her. I am not the right person as i only know a small part of her. I would like to miss her with all the other people who care about her. I believe she won't mind. "
注：Rob目前与家人住在荷兰东部奈梅亨市，从事医疗管理工作。为尊重他不愿曝光的要求，姑隐其名。
网址：http://barbarayung.nl/
Notes: Rob now lives in [City Name]in the east of Holland. He is working in medical management. His name is not mentioned upon his request.
(Thanks to Natalie for this translation)
This interview can also be found at:
http://www.rnw.nl/chinese/article/777737
and
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